Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
Author: Lysa TerKeurst
About the Author
Lysa TerKeurst is a bestselling Christian author, speaker, and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is known for her transparent and faith-filled writing that speaks especially to women navigating life’s challenges with grace and hope. Through books like It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way and Uninvited, Lysa has reached millions with her honest reflections on suffering, healing, and spiritual growth. Her ministry equips women to deepen their relationship with God even through life’s hardest trials. In Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, she draws from her own pain to offer a compassionate roadmap for forgiveness and emotional freedom.
Table of Contents
- Introduction: Forgiveness Is Possible
- 1. What Am I Supposed to Do with All the Hurt?
- 2. Why Should I Have to Be the One Who Forgives?
- 3. Is This Even Survivable?
- 4. How Is Forgiveness Even Possible When I Feel Like This?
- 5. The Compounding Effect of Unforgiveness
- 6. Bitterness Is a Bad Deal That Makes Big Promises
- 7. There’s Always a Meanwhile
- 8. The Forgiveness Process
- 9. Collecting the Dots
- 10. Connecting the Dots
- 11. Correcting the Dots
- 12. The Beautiful, Dusty Side of Redemption
- Epilogue: Living the Practice of Forgiveness Every Day
Summary of the Book
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget is a deeply personal and biblically grounded book by Lysa TerKeurst that explores the complicated process of forgiveness in the aftermath of betrayal, hurt, or heartbreak. Written out of her own experience with devastating personal pain, the book invites readers into a healing journey—not by minimizing the hurt or excusing the wrong done—but by leaning into the grace and power of God to forgive even what seems unforgivable.
Lysa opens the book by confronting the reality that forgiveness can feel impossible. Many people carry unhealed wounds that shape their present relationships and internal dialogue. Lysa understands this intimately, as she shares stories of her own betrayal and emotional trauma, particularly related to her marriage and health crises. Her vulnerability creates a safe space for readers to face their own pain honestly, without shame or pressure to move on too quickly.
One of the key ideas in the book is that forgiveness is not an event—it’s a process. Lysa dismantles the myth that forgiveness means forgetting or reconciling with those who harmed us. Instead, she redefines forgiveness as a way to release the control that past hurt has over our present and future. She explains that forgiveness is not about making the other person right—it’s about making our hearts free.
In practical terms, the book provides a biblical, step-by-step framework for walking through forgiveness. Lysa teaches readers how to “collect the dots” (recognize the patterns and pain in their story), “connect the dots” (understand how those experiences have shaped them), and “correct the dots” (rewrite those narratives in light of God’s truth). This process helps break cycles of bitterness and offers readers a way forward in emotional and spiritual healing.
The book also explores the emotional toll of holding onto unforgiveness. Lysa explains how bitterness slowly poisons our souls, causing anxiety, isolation, and even physical symptoms. But she doesn’t simply offer platitudes; instead, she shows how God’s Word gives permission to grieve and space to process the injustice. Forgiveness, in this framework, becomes less of a burden and more of a gift we give ourselves in obedience to God and out of love for ourselves and others.
Throughout the chapters, Lysa weaves in Scripture, theology, and personal stories, always bringing the focus back to Christ’s example of forgiveness. She reminds us that Jesus not only calls us to forgive but empowers us to do so through His Spirit. Forgiveness is possible because we have been forgiven. The grace that has been extended to us becomes the well from which we draw to extend grace to others—even when it hurts.
One of the strengths of the book is its emotional realism. Lysa never pressures readers to rush through the process. She validates feelings of anger, betrayal, and sorrow, and helps readers understand that acknowledging those emotions is part of healing. Yet she also gently challenges readers not to stay stuck. She encourages them to move toward freedom, one act of obedience at a time, even if reconciliation is not possible or wise.
In the final chapters, Lysa discusses the redemptive nature of forgiveness. Though we cannot change the past, God can redeem our pain and use it for good. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the wounds, but it transforms them. It allows us to move forward with clarity, strength, and a deeper sense of peace. She illustrates this with moving stories of her own journey with her husband, Art, and how choosing forgiveness brought restoration, even when she thought it was impossible.
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget is not just for those navigating big betrayals—it’s for anyone carrying wounds from words, broken trust, unmet expectations, or unresolved relationships. It is an invitation to release pain, reclaim joy, and walk in the freedom that comes from obedience to God’s call to forgive. Lysa’s compassionate tone, theological insight, and practical tools make this a powerful guide for anyone ready to let go of what’s been holding them back.
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